"Apparently the largest penis in the penis to body ratio is owned by a mussel or something, because the mussel is so small and the penis is so vast in comparison. This is understandable, but other than things like whales, obviously, there's a kind of duck with a huge penis. This impresses me far more, because the duck is quite big, so to have a huge penis compared to it's duck size the penis has got to be huge, which it is. When this fact was recited to me the duck had a 52ft penis, I later discovered that it's really a mere 42cm. Still, that's pretty big.

There's a photo of said duck floating about on the internet, but the duck is dead and it's penis has been unravelled beneath it like one of those party-kazoo things. It's too tragic to be looked at."

Is what I wrote to begin with, I think the fact is actuall quite sombre and sad seeing as the duck died. This was until I looked at a news report written about the incident (written on the 14th of Septermber 2001, so 3 days afterwards there was still time for a "..and finally..!" type story).

The duck remains tragic, there's no disputing that. However, the first 'scientist' who discovered the member (Really? What were they doing to suddenly 'find' a huge duck cock? Also, are most duck penis' like, 10cm or something?) was called 'Dr.Mulder'. Which I found fairly amusing. The "mating expert's" name was.. Dr.McCracken.

Dr.McCracken had something to say about other journalists who had been reporting on the find: -
"I'm not fond of the 'nudge nudge, wink wink' comments by the authors,"

The author of this article then followed with:

"The authors write that this species is "promiscuous and boisterous in their sexual activity", which means that there is likely to be stiff competition by drakes to be the father of ducklings."


Really.